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…l’ove…

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Perhaps one of the most intriguing things about life and getting older is that it becomes a bit more circular. Maybe circular isn’t really the best way to describe it – maybe it becomes more integrated, lateral, like a cross-linked polymer. It gels into something large and cohesive, and all these odd pieces seem to jiggle in some beautiful rhythm.

It is not unusual, I’m discovering, to not know quite what to do with ones life, or what to make of the dichotomy of doing something purposeful that aids mankind and propels oneself into a safe and secure retirement versus doing the things that make you happy which often leaves you broke. I’m discovering, as I get older, the ‘make you broke’ things manage to worm their way into the daily routine a bit more every day, anyway. Maybe that is what it means to get old, is to have a certain polarity about priority…

Lately, I’ve learned about tempering chocolates, which is really quite a brilliant and lovely art. I’ve been pondering eggs, too, and I’ve posted nothing about any of my thoughts…

Eggs intrigue me – I cook with them often, and it’s always fascinating to find little tidbits and trivial information about them. Mostly, I was wondering how to write a post about eggs, that a large egg has about 3 tablespoons of volume. A chicken’s egg is especially fascinating as it is a virtual perfect ratio of 1/3 yolk, to 2/3 white – each yolk in a large egg is one tablespoon…

Of course, my brain never stops there. I remember, for some reason, back to high school and having a course in tennis as a part of PE and learning that the scoring system, when you have zero points is referred to as ‘love’, but really is, in fact, “l’ove”, which is French for ‘the egg’, or a goose egg, zero, zilch…

It gets me thinking about actual love, the nature of it… My thoughts got kicked over the cliff tonight by someone randomly commenting about things on Facebook, a post about love, and falling in love…

I have thoughts about this, because I’ve never had a problem with falling in love. If I have any flaw at all, it is that falling in love is simple and easy to me. I’ve fallen in love in the grocery store watching an unknown woman sniffing a loaf of bread. I’ve fallen in love with stray animals that have shown up on my back deck and eventually moved in to my house…

I always have random thoughts that pop into my head. Often it takes me years to decipher them and explain them. One of those thoughts was this; falling in love is easy and people do it all of the time – we spend more time and energy falling out of love than trying to stay in love. I’ve never known quite what to make of that thought until lately – tonight to be exact.

It was that someone expressed that love was an emotion. I suppose in many ways it is simple semantics that make me see things – I love the logic and philosophy classes I’ve taken for that reason alone. Love isn’t an emotion to me, it is a dynamic.

Emotions are like the gauges on your dashboard – they tell you how fast you’re going, how many revolutions your engine is turning per minute, how much gas you have. They are feedback. They have context and are completely predicated on where you’ve been (even if it was a moment ago) and what you’ve done…

Love is, different. It is not, for me, an emotion at all. Rather, it’s a dynamic. It is unknown in the version it may unfold or become. It is always predicated on the fact that it is unfolding and spilling out and becoming something different, constantly…

Maybe that is the magic of love; that it is unpredictable, unknowable… People go into it, seeking it, looking for it, thinking they want the perfect version of it, the same way they go about buying a house or a car, and they approach it all too carefully and end up fearing it… A perfect and complete love? I think there isn’t one. There are many versions of it and each one is unique and perfect in and of itself….

Love isn’t and cannot be an emotion at all in my estimation; Love is where you are going, and it is the place you never quite reach, the place where the sun sets and the moon rises, always a little bit over the horizon…

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