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…getting lost…

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Maybe it’s the inevitable feature of spending a life wandering around with a dazed (or crazed) look, distracted by bright lights, things that move, smell funny, mesmerized by the glory of the feminine form, or the way faces look as they age or contort with certain emotions. People eventually ask what it is you’re looking for. They mean well; sometimes they offer to help construct business plans such that I might turn my aimless ways into something tangible. It is, at best, a confounding question to answer. I always find myself feeling cornered and on trial for a crime I never knew I’d committed. Unlike the other boys who wanted to be firemen or police officers or soldiers, I dreamt of things like being a bartender, a cab driver, or a cartoonist like Charles Schulz or Mort Drucker or Crockett Johnson… I had a “baby beans” doll, pens, pencils and paper and was content to sit and draw or play with the neighbor girl. I never wanted to shoot things, or tie them up or watch them burn. I still don’t.

I finally uploaded my sketches from my Europe trip to a website (found here! ). It was fun to relive. Immediately, and always, I find I get lost in each one all over again – I remember the sights, the smells, the aura… I remember how I scrunched up my face trying to replicate the way another person looked, flared my nostrils, drew back my cheeks, furrowed my brow, tried to grow different dimples or a cleft in my chin – all attempts to imagine the way their face would feel on mine, their expression, the attitude behind it… I know by looking at any given sketch what the weather was like at that moment, where north was, what I was drinking, where I was sitting, the time of day, the smell in the air… To me, that is getting lost.

For the people who always wonder enough to ask what it is I seek in life; it is pretty much that. I want the right to get lost in places and moments whenever and wherever. I want smells, sounds and textures to have equal weight of my consideration and focus as the words that might spill off someones tongue – maybe even more – because usually conversations lack the same vibrancy or dimension. Quite often they keep me from seeing and experiencing the things I see erupting around me…

There are things I’ll never understand about life and living among other people who feel as if they’re productive members of society. They don’t ever get lost – even less so these days with GPS and dynamic maps on every handheld phone. But that isn’t the sort of version of lost that I really ever seek. Maybe what I seek is not lost at all, it’s just being in tune. People get lost all the time in conversations about nothing – TV shows, current events, celebrities. Almost nobody seems to understand the art of simply getting lost in the place that they are…

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Discussion

One thought on “…getting lost…

  1. Lost, yet found…

    Posted by Jennifer Campbell Lamance | March 8, 2013, 7:37 am

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